Salt & light
December 18, 2008
Photo by Dan Shirley
I mentioned recently that my must-need-work “Issue of the Moment” is my insecurity and accompanying people-pleasing tendency habit sin. Currently, God seems to be gently, lovingly and graciously attacking it from all sides with the intention of ROOTING IT OUT AND DESTROYING IT (read: It’s emBEDDED). It hurts like that anyway…in a good way.
I’m always amazed at the way God brings things up. Like, how wild is it that you can read one passage of Scripture your whole life numerous times, and probably heard numerous sermons on it and yet you read it one day and you see a completely different angle. I love this. God’s timing is classic.
I had that sort of aha! moment with Matthew 5:13-16. You know, “You are the salt of the earth…” and “You are the light of the world…” and we should be both those things why? So that God is glorified AND NOT US. So that people see our good deeds and through them, ARE POINTED TO CHRIST.
And then I realized just how awesome these analogies are. God is SO clever! Because when you’re making a pot of soup, for example, and you put salt in it, when you sit down to dinner and dig into the soup, do you say, “Gee, I love this! That salt is AMAZING!” No! You talk about the delicious flavor of the soup. Or let’s say you walk into a dark room, and then someone turns on the lights, do you stand there staring at the lights? No! You stare at the stuff in the room. In other words, the salt enhances the delicious flavor of the food and the light illuminates the things around you.
I’m good at doing the “right” thing. And then feeling quite pleased with myself for being able to say I did the “right thing” (and hoping others will tell me how great I am for doing the “right thing”). But the things I do should not be done out of a desire to keep the rules or to be amazing, but out of a desire to enhance the flavor of Jesus and illuminate who He is.
I cannot tell you how helpful this is to me.
Wanna know what I’m doing today, ALL day?
December 17, 2008
Stream of consciousness
December 9, 2008
Do you know how long it takes me to write one post? Forever. I don’t know if that’s because I am so anal retentive and perfectionistic that I refine every word to the nth degree or…uh…I don’t know what else. Clearly I have a problem.
I read a bajillion blogs and I think lots of blog writers have a supernatural ability to just let their thoughts roll off their fingertips, press “publish” and voila, they’re done. I’m not sure if “the ability to write a quick and easy blog post” was included in Commandment #10 (Exodus 20:17), but if so, I break it on a regular basis.
On a somewhat unrelated note, stuff is falling through the cracks around here. I used to be organized. I used to have chore day every Saturday and clean every square inch of the house until it sparkled. Then I had kids and now I consider myself lucky if the bathroom doesn’t smell like an adolescent boys’ locker room. Notice I didn’t say anything about the bathroom being clean–if that were the case, it would be almost freakishly surreal–I’m just glad when it doesn’t reek to high heaven.
And my poor husband. He doesn’t ask for much, you know. This weekend he was about to iron a bunch of his own shirts because, well, even though my dad just installed a handy dandy ironing board which hides away in the wall, I’m still an ironing misfit. So I told Brian I’d iron those shirts for him. And did I? No. Totally forgot. But I’m pretty proud of myself because I came up with a good solution. That would be the dry cleaners. (Now that we’re out of debt, I decided I’d splurge a little.) I drove up, handed them 8 shirts, paid $10 and drove away. I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE CAR. That alone was worth $10. Because do you know how much of a pain it is to load and unload umpteen children forty times a day?
Speaking of children, my 2-year-old is yelling from the other room, “Moooooo-ooooommmmmmyyyyy!” over and over and over again. I guess he’s done with his nap.
And now I’m going to do something I have never done before. I’m going to hit the “publish” button and I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO READ OVER THIS POST A SINGLE TIME.
I know. Call me crazy.
Six years ago today…
December 1, 2008
Dear Zay,
It was six years ago today that you came into our lives, our second child, our firstborn son. You have been an absolute joy.
Your entry into the world came amid a bit of turmoil between your father and I. You see, I was so uncomfortable during the last few weeks of pregnancy I was praying you would come early. Your father on the other hand, through some weird mathematical equation (I am not lying), determined you would be born on December 1 (a day after your due date). And do you know, you were born at 12:30 am on December 1. Had you not been so precious and so worth waiting for, I might still be mad he was right.
Motherhood has a way of making me feel like a colossal failure and the first 4 months of your life was no exception. I look back at that time and I feel sick to my stomach. Basically, you were starving. I didn’t know it then, but for some unknown reason, I produce skim milk and not a lot of it. You nursed nonstop but you were never satisfied. You were born a healthy 7 lbs. 2 oz., but by the time you were 4 months old, you were completely off the charts (well below the 0th percentile) for weight. I can hardly stand to look at pictures of you then because how could I not have noticed something was wrong? What kind of mother would allow that to happen to her child? It was such a slow process it was hardly perceptible, mixed in with the craziness of a cross-country move, assurance from every book/website/lactation consultant that EVERY mother thinks she’s not producing enough milk and the well-intentioned but ill-informed notion that breastmilk is ALWAYS best.
But thank God for His grace. There are plenty of holes in my mothering; I am so grateful God compensates where I lack. Once we figured out the problem, in a matter of months you went from looking like this:
to this:
Apparently all the trauma didn’t damage you too much. You amaze me on a daily basis. You are funny, with quick-witted humor that must have come from me. :) You’re smart, which I’m also pretty sure came from me. (Oh alright, you got that from your father.) You are thoughtful and kind to your sister and you are very sweet to your little brothers…except when they touch your projects. Then you have no qualms about pushing them forcefully.
You can entertain yourself indefinitely and you love to read. When you squeal with delight at the sight of another bagful of library books, I cannot tell you how good that is for my motherly soul. You love science and don’t like art. In fact, when we went to an Impressionists art exhibit recently, you slumped onto a bench in front of Caillebotte’s gigantic and stunning Paris Street, Rainy Day and said glumly, “I’m not impressed. Science is a lot more interesting.”
You are all about what you can see, touch and feel. Yesterday you made a TV remote from a kit and have had no shortage of fun making it actually work with our TV and telling me exactly how the circuits, resistors and whatever-else-electronic is put together. Your prized possessions are your microscope, your telescope and your newly-acquired binoculars. There is never a time when I don’t see something in your hands whether it be your latest Happy Meal toy, the paper airplane you just made or the pasta from your dinner plate.
Speaking of dinner, I truly wonder if you’ll ever develop a taste for anything other than plain white rice, butter & jelly sandwiches, quesadillas and white bread. Oh, and let’s not forget the sugar. I don’t think you’ve ever met a sweet you didn’t like, especially whipped cream. You regularly remind me of “grandma’s rule” that whenever you have whipped cream, you must have A LOT. (Thanks grandma.) But even if you don’t ever eat anything with color and your future wife curses me because of it, I’ll still keep you.
I love you,
Mom
6 things I’m up to
November 25, 2008
I’ve mentioned before that writing does not come easily to me. Basically, a post has to hit me over the head before I can begin to think about putting it down. That–and my laziness–accounts for the lack of decent posts as of late. So to catch you up, here are some things I’ve been doing. In no particular order.
- I’m reading The Shack by William P. Young. I’m just over halfway through. It’s…interesting. I’m holding off on any definitive opinions until I finish.
- I just subscribed to receive chunks of the Bible emailed to me daily with the goal of reading through the Bible chronologically in a year. Oh, I hope I can stick with it but I must admit, I’m not feeling hopeful. But I’m gonna give it a shot. Wanna join me? You can pick your own Bible reading plan here.
- Brian and I started going to marriage counseling again, because there’s more work to do and it’s worth fighting for.
- We just celebrated (?) one year of living in Texas. (If you’re new here, that’s because we were living in New York where my husband was a pastor but resigned because I was struggling with depression. Read all about it here.)
- The baby, now 10 months old, has 4 teeth. Recent events make me question whether or not I desire to continue breastfeeding. If you know what I mean.
- I’m struggling with the gargantuan difference between my comfy, cushy life here in America and the tragic situation in Congo. I do not want to close my eyes and do nothing, but what do I do? Should I be as concerned as I am about what I’m going to cook for Thanksgiving, what gadgets I will buy for Christmas, or how I will decorate my house?
I have two children sitting on each knee reading this over my shoulder. Apparently they think I should be done writing. Thus begins another day…
BlogHer anyone?
November 14, 2008
Hey, anyone planning to go to BlogHer ‘09? I’m contemplating…but way too insecure to go by myself. Oh wait, let me think about that again. Let’s see, 2 days by myself. Did I say by myself? Why, I think I did say that. Hmmm, could it be I have finally found something that trumps my insecurity? Nah, I still wanna know if you’re going…
Just another night in the bathtub
November 11, 2008
I have no idea who he gets this from. My 8 and 5 year olds STILL freak out if they get water in their faces while in the tub. No amount of convincing them that it is NO DIFFERENT THAN SWIMMING IN A POOL matters. I still wonder sometimes if this one got switched in the hospital…
I have succumbed…again
November 7, 2008
Who needs real-life, face-to-face relationships anyway?
15 of my best toy picks
November 4, 2008
by Daniel Wildman
Taking part in Works for Me Wednesday!
A lot of toys have come through this house along with 4 kids in 8 years; a lot of toys have gone out too. We have moved 6 times since becoming parents and I refuse to move anything that isn’t worth its weight in gold. Good thing the children have measured up so far.
The best toys (and consequently, the keepers) are ones that:
- can be put together, taken apart and then put back together again (preferably in a new way)
- have some sort of educational value
- will hold a child’s interest long-term
- can handle whatever a toddler can throw at it (or throw it at)
Here are some toys we have in our toy collection and a few I wish we had:
- Marble Runs - this toy is just plain cool and fun for everyone, adults included
- Blocks - wooden ones for stacking & building and large cardboard ones for things like life-size forts (if you’re little
) - Lincoln Logs - there are all kinds of cool things to build with Lincoln Logs
- K’NEX - again, hours of enjoyment come from K’NEX
- Playmobil - we don’t have any Playmobil, but loved by many
- Legos - what can be said about the world-famous Legos?
- Train sets - like Brio and Thomas the Tank Engine; I got a full set of Thomas tracks, engines, cars (and a table!) for $20 at a garage sale; it was the best money I ever spent (check craigslist too!)
- Play kitchens - in our house, the play kitchen is optional but the pots, pans and utensils are a must
- Cash register - this is one we don’t have ourselves, but will be on our wish list this Christmas
- Playmats - very fun and easy to tote too; one day I’m going to make one like this
- Dollhouses - like this wooden one
- Dress up - fill a box or chest with thrift-store finds, old halloween costumes and castoffs from Great Aunt Millie’s closet
- Craft collection - I keep bins of stickers, scrapbook paper, construction paper, pipe cleaners, glue, scissors, clay, crayons, markers, colored pencils, punches, googly eyes, tape, paints, stamps, ribbon, beads, fabric, felt, and anything else that has crafty potential; oh yeah, check your recycling bin first
- Board games - we like Boggle, Scrabble, Memory, Dominoes, Apples to Apples, Guess Who?, Yahtzee, Sequence, Uno, Cranium Cadoo, Cranium Hullabaloo; (keep in mind that many of these games have editions for kids)
- Books - They may not be toys, but they provide just as much enjoyment. Here are some of our favorite picture books:
I am an idiot. And so are you.
November 4, 2008
It’s imperative to understand how much we are indebted to the scientific researchers of our day. They work tirelessly to inform us simpletons of the realities which surround and yet escape us. I long to be able to observe the world as they do and come to such sound and complex conclusions about how things work. Their abilities are nothing short of extraordinary.
Take for instance one of their latest findings. You might want to sit down for this piece of news as it is…simply astonishing…no, “groundbreaking.” In fact, I do believe it warrants a collective cheer from us, fellow morons, as it is undoubtedly something you and I could never have figured out on our own. I can’t tell you how glad I am that they spent millions finding this out.
Groundbreaking research suggests that pregnancy rates are much higher among teens who watch a lot of TV with sexual dialogue and behavior than among those who have tamer viewing tastes. (read the full article)
I know, I know, I totally would never have put two and two together either.
keep looking »- Homeschooling for Free series
- My rock bottom
- Fishing
- I am delinquent
- Marriage according to Amy
- You know you're a pastor's wife when...
- My thoughts on women in the church
- What goes around... (and parts 2, 3)
- Pastors' Wives Blog List
- 61 Random Things About Me
I'm Amy. I have issues. And I am was the pastor's wife. Here's what happened.
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