Why is it that small humans, about the age of 4, enjoy doing things they KNOW is annoying to a fellow human just to see what kind of reaction the second human will have? IT DRIVES ME CRAZYYYYYY!

One zit. Big deal, you say. Maybe so, but it’s not really about the zit. No, it’s about what the zit represents. This little, insignificant zit has brought back painful memories.

You see, I had horrible acne between the ages of 17 and 22. My skin was relatively clear throughout high school. And since high school is the time most young women battle the zit factor, I thought I was out of the woods. Boy was I wrong. Whatever I didn’t get in high school I got in college…and then some.

My case of acne was not just a pimple here and there. No, I used to get large nodules, many at a time, painful to the touch and long-lasting. My dermatologist had me on antibiotics for four solid years as well as topical creams and multiple unsuccessful attempts to freeze those zits away.

Eventually he reluctantly prescribed a strong drug called Acutane. I say reluctantly because he was afraid I was sexually active (despite the fact I wasn’t and kept telling him so) and if I happened to get pregnant, it would be almost inevitable the baby would be severely deformed.

Acutane was no walk in the park either. It essentially made every pore on my face produce enough oil to fill a vat. Consequently, my face was one solid breakout–there wasn’t a single pore un-zitted. Then, as quickly as the oil appeared, it disappeared, making my face shrivel up in total moisture deprivation. It peeled and peeled and peeled and kept on peeling. My lips and chin were so dry they cracked and bled.

It eventually began to get better and about 4 months after starting the meds, I was finally getting back to normal. I’m grateful that Acutane worked well for me. I haven’t struggled with acne (other than a lone zit now and then) since.

Anyway, I could go on and on. My point is not to highlight the gory details of zitdom. No, as painful as it was physically, the emotional pain was immeasurably worse. I have never experienced so much shame in my life. Oh, so much shame.

I constantly felt dirty. I felt inferior. Most of my friends had dealt with the problem in high school, so I felt alone. I was always trying to hide my face–behind makeup, behind my hair, behind my hands…anything. I hated how I looked. I was overwhelmed with envy for those blessed with beautiful skin. I avoided mirrors and cameras (in fact I have only a few pictures of myself during those four years). It was extraordinarily painful to be having a conversation with someone who’s eyes did not look into mine but bounced from zit to zit instead.

I used to read the verses about beauty being on the inside. It never helped. I believed them to be true intellectually, but they never eased the pain. Not once.

I know there was a purpose in it, otherwise God never would have allowed it to happen. I wish I could say I had an epiphany through it all or that I learned something profound as a result. It did increase my compassion. It also squashed a lot of pride. I do know I will never be the same. I guess that is pretty profound.

If you’re looking for a pediatrician who specializes in adoptive medicine, here are a few listings.

(It should be noted that it is not imperative to find a doctor that specializes in this field. Many “regular” pediatricians have a lot of knowledge and access to resources that would make them equally qualified to care for an adopted child.)

• American Academy of Pediatrics–Pediatricians with a Special Interest in Adoption and Foster Care Medicine
• Comeunity– International Adoption Medical Clinics
• International Adoption Clinic (University of Minnesota)–listing of service providers throughout the country

Remember, just because a doctor is on a list, doesn’t mean he/she is a great doctor. Be sure to ask questions, check references or better yet, get a recommendation from someone you trust.

I don’t watch TV much. There are several reasons. One is that our TV is in our basement and it is FREEZING down there.

Second, I find the internet much more interesting.

Third, I don’t do well with most of what’s on. I’m one of those types that hears about a small child getting kidnapped and I become an obsessive lunatic for the next two weeks, certain my kids will be snatched up by every person that walks by. Same thing happens when I see a show about murder, rape, car accidents, terminal illnesses…in other words, basically everything that’s on.

And after all that, most of what’s left is sex. You know, the really wholesome, edifying kind that you never see because it happens between husband and wife in the privacy of their own bedroom. Not.

I’ve had to grieve the loss of many a show. My favorite has been blacklisted in fact. Alias. I had a secret longing to be Sydney Bristow of course. That chic rocks.

In the first two seasons, I enjoyed the drama, twists, turns, suspense; and there wasn’t a lot of trash (i.e. gratuitous sex, people dying gruesome and violent deaths, etc.). But unfortunately the trash soon started to creep in. Then it increased. So, I kicked that show to the curb. Not without a lot of grief as I said. But I got over it.

So now I watch two shows. The Amazing Race is one. I’ve watched it this season mainly because I want to see Rob and Amber die a humiliating reality TV death. How kind of me.

If you’re thinking about adopting but find the cost a bit prohibitive, check out these organizations that give grants specifically for this purpose:

• Shaohannah’s Hope
• Gift of Adoption

For domestic adoptions, check out Mercy Ministries. (I wrote another post about Mercy Ministries here.)

Summers are great for kids, but if you’re like me, you don’t exactly look forward to dealing with the inevitable “I’m-boreds.” Well, if you don’t know already, many movie theaters offer free movies to kids (and accompanying adults) in the summer (usually a few mornings a week). Regal Cinemas is one that has provided this service to the community since 1991. You might also check other theaters in your area. All I’ve got to say is, you can’t beat free!

Ever wonder what exactly your kids are seeing when they go to the movies? Ever wish you had a better idea before you paid almost $10 to see a film whether or not it was something you’d like? Check out Screen it!. They offer in-depth movie descriptions of all the latest films and tell you what kind of content is contained in each including sexuality/nudity, violence, language, etc. They also review music and videos.

I was recently approached by a young woman in our church who, together with her boyfriend, was exploring the possibility of marriage. She was looking for wise counsel. She asked if I would join her and three other women for lunch to discuss the topic.

I must admit I was honored that she asked me. I mean, I’ve been married less than 8 years. It’s not like I’m a pro. The other women, on the other hand, had 15+ years of marriage under their belts.

Come to think of it, I’m the Pastor’s Wife so maybe she felt obligated to include me. Who knows. At any rate, I decided I needed to draw up a list of my own advice…things I’ve learned in my 8 short years of marital (ahem) bliss. Here’s what I told her:

1. Divorce is not an option. Make very sure you are both committed to staying in this marriage until one of you dies. (Of course there are special circumstances, i.e. adultery, where there may be an exception to that rule but I’m operating under the assumption that adultery will not enter the picture.) In my case, this commitment was the only, I mean, THE ONLY, thing that kept me (& my husband I found out later) in our marriage during the first year.
2. No sex until your wedding night. Yes, that’s right. Forget what society tells you. DO NOT HAVE SEX! And if you are already, stop. And then confess the sin that it is and vow not to do it again until you’re married. Aside from the fact that God clearly says it’s wrong, there is everything to gain from waiting and everything to lose from not waiting. And “sex” doesn’t necessarily begin and end with intercourse. “Sex” may very well begin with a passionate kiss. It also includes oral sex, phone sex, internet sex and a myriad of other sexually arousing activities. Don’t let there be “even a hint of sexual immorality,” as Ephesians 5:3 says. Sexual dabbling leads only to great pain later. Ask me, I know.
3. Be realistic. Take a good, hard look at your man, yourself and your situation. Is he REALLY high quality or is he really a loser? Are you REALLY at a place to be getting married or are there things you need to work on first? Are you REALLY prepared to be married for a very, very long time or are you just enamored with the whole idea of a nice wedding? Ask the people around you that love you–the ones you know will tell you the truth. And then be willing to hear the truth. (Fortunately for this couple, they had this down pat.)
4. Be prepared. Things may very well get ugly at times. There’s nothing like marriage to bring up all the garbage in our lives straight up to the surface. And we all have garbage. If you’re prepared for it, you’ll be better able to handle it when it happens. Be sure you have a good idea of how your S.O. (significant other) deals with conflict. My husband and I have talked to lots of engaged couples. “We never fight” is a comment we hear on occasion. The couple saying it usually beams with pride as though it’s proof of their stellar relationship. To me it’s a huge red flag. I don’t believe it’s possible to have a marriage without some level of conflict at some point. And if it’s not dealt with, it becomes either a volcano waiting to explode or it will be successfully “stuffed” only to leak out in other, more lethal ways down the road.
5. Be deliberate. A good marriage doesn’t just descend from the heavens the moment you say “I do.” It requires work. And in some cases, like ours, a whole lotta work. Be sure you are both wholeheartedly committed to putting in the time and energy it takes to nurture your marriage…even when you don’t feel like it.

Above all else, choose your mate wisely. Be highly selective. Do not settle. Do not marry out of desperation or because no one better has come along. I don’t care how old you are, how much your mother bugs you about it, how many of your friends have already gotten hitched, how much you think you can change him after the wedding or how loudly your biological clock is ticking. Don’t do it. You’ll save yourself immeasurable pain and heartache.

If you have not heard of stock.xchange, make your way on over there right this minute. It is a site with thousands of photos posted by people like you. All of the photos are FREE to use for both personal and commercial use. (Contributors occasionally want to be contacted before using their photos so be sure to check.)

So if you’re looking for free stock photos to use for your website, if you need some art for decorating purposes or you just like to see cool things, check it out. Hey, while you’re there, post your own. But be careful…you might very well get sucked into endless photo exploration. Consider yourself warned.

Alright. After my last post, I just couldn’t take the guilt anymore. I have neglected my second child long enough so I finally did something about it. Today I made a trip to the store and bought a can of paint. Not only that, but I actually opened it and made that blank box of a bedroom into something worth living in. It’s amazing what a little color can do.

Here’s the thing, though. I stuck that kid in front of the VCR so I could neglect him no longer by painting his room. Something seems wrong with that picture.